A Peek into the Coaching Experience, Part 2: Turning Inward, Together

How Coaching Works. 

I still recall the first time I was coached using the principle I wrote about in Part 1 of this series: coaching as a means of developing self-consciousness. 

I felt like someone had suddenly spun me around with my eyes closed. When I opened them, I found myself facing an inner truth I didn’t realize existed. It wasn’t as dramatic and disorienting as the shifts in Everything Everywhere All at Once, but the conclusive clarity was not so different.

I find that people who are curious about executive and leadership coaching often have an understanding that a coach can help them accelerate their growth. What they are not clear about is what to expect from a coaching engagement:

“How does this work? What do you…do in a session? What should I expect?”

While the experience can vary depending on the client’s needs and the coach’s approach, here are a few important elements to embrace:

Your coaching engagement is founded on the relationship that you will define and build with your coach.

The two of you will align on your goals, and decide what you both want to put into your relationship in service of those goals. You each have different roles in this relationship. Your coach is not your critic or advisor. They exist to hold space for you, to challenge you, and to champion you. They work alongside you. Your role is to show up with as much honesty and openness as you can to explore your challenges, opportunities, and possibilities.

Questions are at the heart of the coaching conversation.

The questions a coach asks you serve to prompt, deepen, and forward reflection. The simplest ones are often the most powerful. They tend to be open-ended, giving you freedom to interpret them however is meaningful to you. “What is that like?” and “What else?” are examples of open-ended questions that encourage closer observation. I will never forget someone who said minutes into one of these conversations: “You’re asking me a lot of personal questions.” That reaction represents so well how a seemingly plain question can strike a chord. Often times that chord is like a lightbulb.

You will build muscle to rely on the different sources of information that inherently live within you.

Many of us find it easy to process in and speak from our minds because we have built that muscle over lifetimes. In U.S. culture, when we want to hear someone’s opinion or assess a reaction, we often ask, “What do you think?” or “What are you thinking?” I educate clients that sometimes I will direct a question to their mind, other times to their physical being, and other times to their emotions or spirit. For example, when someone recently told me they found themselves frustrated with how their co-founder was handling a decision, I asked as part of our discussion, “How does that frustration show up in you?” It gave the person an opportunity to explore the situation from another dimension.

You will co-create personalized leadership tools and frameworks to guide how you choose to show up and to act in any situation.

Personalization is what gives these tools power. Often people new to coaching anticipate that a coach will provide a playbook for tackling their topics, such as overcoming imposter syndrome, decision-making in uncertain contexts, or navigating a new leadership role. While a coach may lean on a similar set of techniques to guide different clients through similar topics, the output will inherently vary by client because the client is providing the inputs. A coaching session with Client A might uncover that sitting in silence helps them combat imposter syndrome, whereas Client B needs to run a mile to achieve the same end goal. The coach adjusts their coaching approach according to inputs, and in real-time.

A challenge or opportunity you bring to a coaching engagement may not be resolved right away or in a way you would expect.

Sometimes just a few minutes of coaching can prompt powerful transformation. I have witnessed clients, within minutes, break free from thought patterns, perceptions, and repressive contexts they have been locked in for years. They are stunned when that happens. Other times, it can be a longer process to coach through a topic in a way a client may consider “complete” – depending on what needs to be explored, to what degree, and what the client is ready to address. Through progressive movement that may involve surprising detours, people can build a deep understanding of self that translates into how they choose to show up and how they choose to lead in a lasting way.

The executive and leadership coaching experience is personal, and these are just some of the qualities one can expect in a one-on-one engagement.

Based on your own experience as a coach or a client, what would you add?